These last few years I have felt disconnected from my true self and my purpose, they have been about survival. They have been about protecting and guiding my daughter while we were facing some pretty rough times, trying to balance my physical, mental and emotional health, betrayals by people I considered friends once, going back to school to start my journey in Human Services and Social Work, and readjusting course again on my journey to reconnect to myself and Divine Guidance.
They have also been about loss which hurt (a lot). Loss of a way of life, loss of loved ones (the human kind and the furry kind), loss of relationships and friendships, even a loss of a roof over our heads. Looking back at some of the choices I made during this time, filled me with guilt and so much sadness. Pain and growth go hand in hand, I know. But that doesn’t mean it’s not hard to go through it. Then I reached a point where I realized that surrender is what was needed, every day I aim for this to be my practice. “Surrender is not giving up, it is giving in” (Mastin Kipp). Once I accepted that my desire for peace was not going to be granted by my environment and/or other people, I could see glimpses of peace inside myself, and I intend to dig deeper and find more of that inside of me…..
Every day I get to make a choice to either drown in guilt and disappointment, or get back up and try again. What I try to remind myself on a daily basis is:
- I did the best I could at the time
- Every day is a new chance to try again and make better choices. “If I was weak yesterday, I can be strong today “ (Marianne Williamson).
- I am not responsible for other people’s actions BUT I can decide whether it’s acceptable behaviour or not.
- I can let people go when they don’t treat me or my loved ones right.
This daily practice is helping me to reconnect with myself and create peace in my life again, it’s been a rough road getting to this point and I imagine the road ahead could prove to be rocky as well. BUT I know that I can make different choices, choices that will allow me to create a life lived with purpose, it feels freeing …..